Accepting life as it comes

Sometimes I wonder why I feel so content being home without any travel plans on the horizon. When I first came back to California in July, I was restless. It was strange to be in one place for more than 2 weeks without another destination in sight. So I headed off to Vancouver. I enjoyed it until I got to Seattle and didn’t feel as comfortable as I’d hope with my hosts. I remembered why I came home from Africa- burned out- and the hardships of being in a new place, not knowing anyone, figuring out transport, where to go, constant planning, etc.- even if its in the West.

Then I planned for Burning Man. It became my  new focus and was happy to have ample time to coordinate and get everything sorted to survive 7 days on the playa.I came home and realized being home was where I wanted and needed to be.

I knew the SF bay area is where I’m supposed to be. I considered moving for a job but now I realize it would have to be one super incredible opportunity to make me willingly leave. A few months ago, my thought was if I’m going to be starting anew with everything: friends, job, apartment, then maybe I should just be in a new city too. Everything entirely new. Now the answers are on the wall and in my heart. The Bay Area is my home. It’s where I want to be. It’s the coolest place in the U.S. in my book. Some of you may beg to differ but there’s not too much anyone can do or say that will change my mind. This is what happens when you’re born in such a magical place with so much open space, beautiful weather year round, and constant happenings it can make anyone overwhelmed. Not to mention, gourmet food, farmers’ markets, cafes, theater, parks, concerts… If it’s not happening here, it’s probably not happening. It’s all quite incredible.

So now begins my search for a job. I was quick to resist but after plenty of friends comforted and supported me and made me realize what a timely process job searching can be, I decided I might as well jump on the bandwagon. What do I have to lose? Why not start now?  Truth is, I’ve been terrified. The more inner searching and sharing with friends, my fear all resides in my lack of experience job searching and interviewing. It’s simply an endeavor I haven’t done much of, so naturally it scares me. It’s the unknown for me. I’m changing my outlook and looking at job hunting as an adventure of discoveries and possibilities.

If you were to drop me in the heart of Africa tomorrow, I’d be excited… but I’ll admit now that a year ago when I was embarking on my African adventure I was scared, terrified, nervous. I did my best to hide my concerns and go into my journey whole hearted. If I can handle Africa and all it’s difficulty, I can handle about everything life throws at me. If only I remember my own advice and philosophy and don’t give into the fear, I’ll do alright.

Now a new experience awaits me. I’m ready.

I still wonder why the travel bug isn’t biting. It seems so strange not to have any travel plans on the horizon and not really have much of a desire to make plans either. There are plenty of places on my list to see but if I had a ticket for tomorrow, I might just give it a second thought. This isn’t exactly like me. Meanwhile, my best friend just returned home after two years in the USA. She’s already planning an escape route. A guy I met on the road, is complaining he’s not having any adventures after being back in the US for six months. True. Six months can be a long time. But I curiously wonder, what’s up with me? Am I simply regaining my energy before having any desire to be on the road again? Will the travel bug bite again? When? Why am I not having any impulse to go off and explore? Or will I be content not to travel again? Or will it surprise me one morning and I’ll impulsively need to take off somewhere?

Only time will tell…

When I do venture into San Francisco for the day (and it has become more and more frequent), if it’s an event, I found myself content to just pick a spot in the grass and chilll amongst friends and watch the world pass by rather than chasing the world and attempting to capture every moment. It’s simply a change I see in myself which I won’t bother to label positive or negative. It just is. Maybe I’ve just come to realize chasing after the world or having the world come to you can be equally exciting and rewarding, simply a different perspective.

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