my sentiment of the city by the bay- San Francisco- has changed. I dreamed of living in the city, sharing a flat with roommates and having a favorite cafe and neighborhood restaurant I’d frequent often. Over the years my knowledge of the city has grown, knowing a variety of places to eat, hang out and spend the evening dancing the night away. The city has become so familiar I know how to navigate from one side to the other even in areas I rarely spend time in.
Upon returning to California, I was excited to spend more time in the city, find new locales and fun spots and up until a few weeks ago, I took every chance I got. I met new people, checked out parades, festivals and music events- all typical and off the map San Franciscan festivities. I feel at this point, I’ve experienced almost every SF event.
On no particular recent time in SF, I noticed the magical feel I’ve being in the city had disappeared. My heart didn’t dance with joy and my enthusiasm didn’t shine. Being in SF, just felt like, well, normal, typical, everyday, no longer exceptional and exciting. This feeling began a few weeks ago and it’s lingered. I have friends in the city so still have and motivation to go and spend time with them but my eagerness to “be in the city” has dissipated. Why do I feel detached? Would I feel more excited to be in a new city? Do I long for the feeling of discovery a new place brings? Or has my tolerance for crowds, skyscrapers and traffic altered my feelings and no matter what urban city I was in, I’d feel the same way?
Certainly while I was on the road I became more appreciative of the Bay Area and all the amazing opportunities here, beautiful places to see and now it’s just the same for me. I appreciate the vibe, the laid-back attitude and the freedom and flexibility of open-mindedness that is the city.
Yet I think I’m ready to be more outdoors and in touch with nature than urban landscapes. I’ve been remembering a bus ride from Cambridge to London while living there and realizing as much as I love cities for all the possibilities I could see myself living in the country side, being content around nature and a slower pace of life. Luckily, among suburbia and the city, there are still many open spaces to walk, hike and get lost in the outdoors and temporarily forget where I am. My job search feels very long and in these uncertain times, its only natural and yet the more time passes and the more opportunities I apply for, I feel closer to knowing what it is I truly want.
Every thing has a reason in life and if this is the reason, then this constant wave of uncertainty will be worthwhile.
For this I’m grateful.