This is exactly where I’m suppose to be

When I look at my photos from my travels or friends and friends of friends travel photos, I think I want to be anywhere but here. I want the adventure, unknown, “discovery,” something new yet I know becoming more connected in my community, in my own city and state is exactly what I need.

I’m gaining so much insight with my work and following my path, inspired by my travels. Life is incredible.

Travel can be a form of escape. Though I wouldn’t consider my journey an escape (many respects it would have been easier to come home than stay abroad!), lately I want to be anywhere but here. Obligations have that effect on me. Running away won’t solve anything. Only make more trouble, conflict, confusion, resentment and regret. I must stare the lion in the eyes. In the end, I’ll know it’s not as scary as I think it is. You can’t KNOW what your capable of until you do it!

My father is dying of cancer and as a good daughter, I’m there. As a good and caring daughter, after work I’m straight to his house, cooking, cleaning, shopping, listening and trying to be respectful of his silly or crazy demands. It’s the drugs talking, I remind myself, though it certainly doesn’t make the situation easier. I day dream of the day when I can “have my life back” but this is my life. This is apart of my life and just a stage, a process I must endure. Life is rarely easy but it’s all how you handle and interpret what life gives you. Friends remind me I’m doing it for myself as much as I’m doing it for my brother and my dad. Time is all I have. Once he’s gone, I can’t change anything. There’s no “do-overs.” So I’m taking life as it’s given and running with it. Often, trying to fit too much in my life as a way of coping.

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