I’m enjoying my life here yet I haven’t felt the “magic of Spain” yet. I don’t know what I expected but the magic isn’t there…yet. Mind you, I haven’t visited Sevilla or Granada, the bigger cities of Andalucia.
I haven’t felt the connection to the country, the feeling that this is “home.” A bit hard to explain but I’ve felt it before-when I first visited Cape town, South Africa. But everyone falls in love with Cape town. However, when I returned to South Africa during my African journey (after 5 months on the continent), the moment I set foot in the North East of the country, I had a strong and calming feeling “this is home.” This feeling never left me and I still consider South Africa a second home, though I have no idea when I’ll return or if I’ll live there.
Now that I’m more settled in my life in Spain, I wonder: What compelled me to live in Spain? Is there a reason I had such an unexplainable desire to live here?
Maybe time will tell and in the meantime, I’m enjoying living a calmer, relaxed life. (I do miss my friends, family and best friend back home but I know this experience is what I need to push myself forward and remind me of my true desires).
I am enjoying and embracing:
- being in the classroom- I do love teaching and interacting with students
- learning the art of relaxing
- practicing and improving my Spanish
- 12 hour work week (When else will I only have to work 12 hrs?)
- 4 day week schedule with 3.75 day weekends
- cooking (and when I have internet experimenting with recipes)
Some auxiliaries have been talking about the possibility of a second year. Some days I think- of course! and other days, I feel one year will suffice. Living here for 2 years would definitely benefit my Spanish speaking ability, though.
I look forward to coming to work (most days) and really enjoy my school, yet if I choose to renew I know I’d choose a new city, new opportunity, new perspective. And there is always a risk you take when you change.
The thought of returning home and looking for a job is daunting. I find the same fear lurks deep within me as when I returned from my African journey but this time I have loads more experience, more confidence and knowledge than before. If I’ve done it before, I know I can do it again.
I feel this is the first time in my life that I’m learning how to relax, to live simply and not be a whirlwind (as my mom knows me to be). My surroundings definitely impact how I act and how i live. I’m taking it easy and I’m not finding things to fill my schedule as I typically did at home. No volunteering, no extra university classes, no events to attend. Not even private classes to earn extra money.
I just want my freedom and after reading a piece I wrote for myself “2010 in perspective,” it’s no surprise I’m taking advantage of a simple lifestyle. Finally, a year focused on me. A bit selfish, yes, but exactly what I need.
Recently, my cousin Fernando was asking”where do you see yourself when you return”, “what do you want to do”. He meant well but i felt like my dad was speaking through him. I thought, “i can’t escape the pressure of “a career”.” I get tense and annoyed. I want to yell, “leave me alone.” But I respond kindly. And then a few days later, my best friend implied that living in Spain is my opportunity to figure out what I want, What I want to do with my life. Yes and NO. Can I just be in Spain to enjoy myself, take a
break from the hectic world I live in and all I went through in the last few years and focus on me? Why does a career always have to come into the picture?
One day at a time.